Musings of a 5 year old

This morning I woke up far too

early, bitchy and bloated to that

unavoidable monthly moment all

women face (come on menopause,

hurry up and get here!!).  In the

process of getting the children

ready for school, and trying not to

be impatient with the constant

chatter we hit upon the topic of

age.  For some reason all children

want to be older than what they

are. My 7 year old wishes he were

10.. then life would be great

because he could walk down the

road to his friend’s house

unaccompanied.    Every child I’ve

ever spoken to wishes this

blessing upon themselves, to be

more grown up.  All except my 5

year old who wishes he was a baby

again because he says,  ” I was so

cute” .  So I asked, “Do you not

think you are cute now?”  His

reply ” I am only kind of cute now,

but I am growing up.  Babies are

very cute”  This lead him to

discover a new philosophy: For

every birthday we skip, we grow a

year younger.  He is looking

forward to growing younger as the

years go by and reasons that when

he is 9 he will be at the perfect

baby age  to achieve his ideal

cuteness.  In the meantime he will

have to suffer through days of

“boring, nothing to do” school and

cleaning his room.  Which he

finds annoying because he will

just have to dump everything out

again to find that one perfect toy

to play with.  So I sit here now and

think, this one is going to be

trouble.  He, I believe will grow

into one of those who goes against

the grain of society’s rules. 

Perhaps there is hope for our up

and coming generation to make

changes for the better in our

world.

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FEELING STUPID LATELY??

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and

read it again; you’ll begin to think you’re a genius.

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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was

selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live

forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we

would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I

would not live forever,”

–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all

over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be

skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and

stuff.”

–Mariah Carey

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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important

part of your life,”

— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my

body,”

–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest

crime rates in the country,”

–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a

jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”

–A congressional candidate in Texas ..

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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”

–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the

impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

–Al Gore, Vice President

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“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .”

— Dan Quayle

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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air

do we need?”

–Lee Iacocca

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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a

guy like Norman Einstein.”

–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude

certain types of people.”

— Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992

because we received notice that you passed away. May God

bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your

circumstances.”

–Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from

overseas.”

–Keppel Enderbery

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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at

night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart

throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake

up dead, there’ll be a record.”

–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

JUST REMEMBER, EVERYONE IS STUPID SOMETIMES